Friday, June 08, 2007

New plan ...

... I'm moving to Hollywood to become famous so that I can do everything I want to do whether it's illegal or not. Obviously to get out of criminal charges and jail time, all you have to do is be famous.
Don't believe me? Check the headlines.
They let Paris Hilton out of jail after serving five days of her sentence so that she could attend to some "mysterious" illness. What's the illness? According to Access Hollywood, Miss Paris has a rash.
I really hate people who state the obvious, so pardon me while I drive my point home. Had Paris Hilton been a black chick, they would have throw her some Gold Bond (the generic kind) and sent her pamper booty back to general population.
Then on top of that, they gave this chick a single cell in the special needs unit of the jail where she was being held. Why is it that the "blind" justice system can recognize that Paris is retarded but the rest of the world can't?
And speaking of retarded stars, what is wrong with Akon? In case you haven't heard, this fool threw a 15-year-old kid off a stage.
The way the story is being reported, the kid attended a concert where Akon was performing and allegedly threw something on stage. Akon allegedly asked the people in the audience to point out the person who threw something at him. They pointed to this kid, he called for him to come on stage and he threw him into the crowd, injuring another concert-goer. Now this woman has a concussion.
In the words of the legendary Richard Pryor, "That nigger's crazy."
I knew something was wrong with that dude when he came out with his first single, "Locked Up." He is singing in the high-pitched moan he calls a singing voice about being in jail.
Initially, I was a little worried about the fact that being in jail put a song in his heart. Now I'm worried that this fool might actually want to be locked up.
What about throwing a 15-year-old kid off a stage seemed right? OK, the kid may have thrown something at you. I'm thinking it's probably because your singing sounds like a sick cat on a hot tin roof. You curse him out, you don't throw him off a stage.
And what about the poor woman who was an innocent bystander? She's got a concussion all because you got belligerent because somebody hates your singing. Man, I'd hate to be the reporter reviewing his music, he'd probably hunt me down and shoot me.
I'm telling ya'll, it's celebrities gone wild and I want to be on the next episode. I got to go to Hollywood and get famous, there are a couple of people I would like to throw off of something.
What are they going to do to me? Akon didn't get arrested, so I won't either.

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