Friday, May 29, 2009

Things that make me smile

Over the past two weeks, I have been on an emotional roller coaster. As some of you know, my dad just underwent pretty major surgery to straighten out his spine, realign some discs in his back that are now being held in place by rods and screws and to fix some spinal compression he had in his neck. It's going to be a long, painful road to recovery for all of us and I thank you guys for your prayers, positive thoughts and well wishes for my dad, my family and me.
My brother and I have been going at it since he got here, there have also been a few personal issues that I don't care to discuss anymore and add all that to the fact that this is PMS week. With all of that, I'm in need of a serious smile, aww Hell, I need laughter. And this got me to thinking, I should compile a list of the Top 10 things that make me smile and or laugh hysterically.
I'm gonna do this VH1 style and start from the bottom and go to the top. But I'm not gonna give 'em all to you in an hour or less, you gotta come back for the rest of them later.
So starting from No. 10, here we go:

10. Tyler Perry as Medea. Say what you will but this is funny to me! Everybody feels some kinda way about this dude and him dressing up in drag, but it's funny to me!
*Take that Rocky! :-P*

9. Reese Witherspoon in "Freeway." If you've never seen this movie, slap yourself and then go rent it! This movie came out when Witherspoon was unknown and my sister and I discovered it in the middle of the night while we were on summer vacation. It came on Cinemax so you know we had NO business watching it as 12 and 14-year-olds. Still, it's funny as crap!

8. The Cosby Show Reruns always make me smile if not fall out laughing. My favorite episode is when Cliff had a nightmare that all the men were pregnant. Another favorite is the Gordon Gartrelle episode and the ones where they performed for their grandparents. I could use one of those right now!

7. "Life" with Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence, Bernie Mac, Guy Torry, Anthony Anderson and er'ybody else! When I pop this DVD in I watch it like I've never seen it before. It's a combination of the funny ass lines and the way the actors portrayed the characters. Claude and Ray as old men still holds up and 10 years later, this movie is still hee-larious!

6. "Harlem Nights" with Eddie Murphy, Richard Pryor, Redd Foxx, Della Reese and others. This is another DVD I can pop in and laugh all day long. If ever there were kings of comedy Pryor and Foxx are definitely among them. My favorite scenes in the movie include the exchanges between Redd Foxx and Della Reese because they sound like the old married couple who love to hate each other but would never get a divorce.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

What in the Hollywood Hell?

Now that I have your attention, It has come to my attention in recent weeks that a lot of producers out in LaLaWood have decided that it is a good idea to remake several cult classics and I have taken offense to the foolishness.
You guys know I am an aspiring screen writer and you know I LOVE movies with every ounce of my being. What you may not know is I love them to the point that I apply quotes from movies to everyday life. Sometimes, my family and I 'speak movie' to each other. It's hilarious really. Usually, the point is to use a line that either most people don't remember or haven't heard.
The problem is most of the movies we like, that are off the beaten path, are about to be bastardized with remakes coming soon to theaters and I HATE it, you hear me? HATE IT!
Case in point, "Fame." OMG, I (heart) "Fame" so much it's not funny.
It's not just the story line, for some of the performers, the acting was horrible. It was Debbie Allen as Lydia who made the movie for me, though, when she said, "You've got big dreams, you want fame, well fame comes, right here is where you start paying for it - in sweat!"
Shoot, after that, I was ready to work! And if you think about it, that applies to everything in life. Now, sadly, they're re-making it and they've gotten Naturi Naughton to be CoCo. *smdh*
If defaming "Fame" were not enough, these crazy people are planning to re-make "The Last Dragon," and make Samuel L. Jackson, Shonuff. I guess we haven't seen Jackson holler enough, now we gotta watch him claim to be "The baddest Mofo Low Down around this town!" *smh* Where will it end?!
I tell you what, if they re-make "The Wiz" I'mma have to cut somebody! I will phone up The Jaded Nyer to borrow one of her limited edition machetes and cut somebody!
Since we know that screenwriters all over Hollywood have run out of creativity and we know they're going to re-do it anyway, one of my friends, K.Rhone and I have taken the liberty to suggest a few folks we think should play the parts now and some posthumously. Enjoy!

Dorothy was played by one Diana Ross. She did a good job and I'm not sure who could fill her blinged out slippers, but I'd give Jazmin Sullivan a crack at it based on her amazing vocals and her ability to bounce back after she busted her ass!
Posthumously, I would say that Aaliyah hands down! She was just awesome and I think her sweetness radiated in everything she did, even that horrible acting she did in "Romeo Must Die."
The Cowardly Lion was played by Ted Ross who was soooo hilarious as the lion. I think the only logical choice would be the Velvet Teddy Bear himself, Ruben Studdard. He's got the voice (and the girth) for it. I think he'd be awesome!
Posthumously, it could only be Gerald Levert. And he woulda played the hell outta that lion and brought some, dare I say, Big Boy Swag to it.
The rusting, big woman loving Tin Man was brilliantly executed by Nipsey Russell. We kicked around a few ideas of Jamie Foxx and Anthony Hamilton as the Tin Man, but I finally settled on Dule Hill from "The West Wing" and more recently "Psych." I settled on him because of course he's an excellent tap dancer and his singing voice doesn't suck. But, Russell couldn't sing that well either.
Posthumously, NOBODY could EH-vah out Nipsey Russell, Nipsey Russell. So I'd keep him as the only one who could ever play that part!
As for the Scarecrow, he was brilliantly played by a young, Negro Michael Jackson. I thought, and thought and thought about this and K.Rhone added her own thoughts to this as well. Her first nomination was one Usher Raymond IV. My choice was "Iron Fist" Chris Brown because he's a better dancer.
Given Brown's recent troubles and the fact that I want this movie to do well, I don't think it would be a good look to have one of the most hated men in America in a principle role in this movie. So, Ursher wins by default.
Posthumously, I'd say Michael Jackson. LoL. That Michael Jackson is dead now and no one could top him for that.
And Richard Pryor is the best Wiz there ever was. K.Rhone and I both agree that The Wiz should be a "mature comedian" and I have several ideas, but none of them stick out as "The One." I think George Wallace, J. Anthony Brown, Steve Harvey or Miss Laura (yes, a female Wiz) could pull it off.
Now for the supporting roles, I'm just gonna name 'em all off and I'll let your imaginations wonder why. Here we go:
Ms. One - The numbers witch who came out after Dorothy killed the first Wicked Witch should be played by Katt Williams or Sheryl Underwood. Y'know Williams would pimp it out at the male witch while Sheryl Underwood would be funny as all hell coming through there with her numbers!
Crows Wanda Sykes, Chris Rock, Mo'Nique and Rickey Smiley. Do you really need to wonder why they would make the funniest crows EVER?!
Glinda the Good - I'm thinking Patti LaBelle or CeCe Winans for no other reason than their vocals and the fact that I'm sick of the light-skinned long hair chick being the "good" one in everything! OK, that was some childhood stuff creeping up, but I really do LOVE Lena Horne.
My wild card pick for the good witch though would be Miss Bebe Zahara Benet, the winner from last season's "RuPaul's Drag Race."
Evilene just HAS to be Jilly from Philly and that is NONE other than Jill Scott!

Kanye "The Gay Fish" West needs to assume Quincy Jones' role and produce most of the music and appear as the conductor to the music during the ballet at the end.
OK, whaddaya think? Who did I miss? Who would be your picks or did I hit the nail on the head?
A girl can dream, can't she?!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

About Jon & Kate ...

... leave them alone!
Please America, I'm begging you. For the love of all things holy and for the sanity and security of those eight innocent children, leave those people alone.
Yea, yea, yea. How dare I say leave reality TV stars alone? Because I believe it. So what they have a TV show on - cable TV. They are still entitled to their problems and issues in life but they DO NOT have a right to have their business and issues on front street for all the world to see.
First off, I am an avid viewer of the show. I think it's interesting to see such a young couple have so many children with so many different personalities deal with it all.
Secondly, I don't give a crap if they walk around with their own cameras filming -ish and putting it up on YouTube, who are we (America) to be judging anybody for what they are doing or not doing?!
OK, let me back up. Jon and Kate Gosselin married in 1999 after two years of dating. They experienced some fertility problems and they had trouble conceiving. They tried fertility drugs and long story short, they have eight children out of two pregnancies.
The had a set of twins first, Mady and Cara and later sextuplets, Aaden, Alexis, Joel, Hannah, Colin and Leah. TLC first approached them about doing a special on their unique family that turned into two specials and eventually a TV show. The show will begin its fifth season this summer and now we fast forward to their issues.
For the past five years, we've heard accusations about Kate's quirks and her need to clock Jon every few minutes. Regardless of the situation, they still appear to be a semi-functional family who is just trying to make it. Granted they thrust themselves into the public spotlight with that show but who can blame them for trying to make a little bit of change? They got eight kids to feed.
They have their issues right now with their relationship. Kate is claiming infidelity on Jon's part and he on hers. But the bottom line is people deal with these issues everyday - off camera. Why can't we give him the same luxury?
I think Michael Jackson said it best.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

It's my birthday, my b-b-b-birthday!

Well, well, well, exactly 27 years ago today the world was blessed with my presence. I am so happy to be blessed with another year of life. Life is good. I tell ya'll, 27 never felt so good. Well, I feel good, IDK about ya'll.

I'm looking forward to this new year. I'm following Rev Run on Twitter and he Tweeted something yesterday that will become my mantra for my new year: "Man should never be a victim of his moods, a slave of his feelings, his food or THE WEATHER! MAKE a happy day! Tell ur feelings how to feel!"
I like it. Hell, I love it! Now if I could just put this into practice.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

My name is Smarty Jones ...

... and I'm a girl.
No, it has not taken me nearly all my 27 years to figure that out, but it just kinda sorta showed itself in the worst way earlier this week.
First, lemme give you a little bit of background about ya girl. I am the last of four kids. The baby always bears the brunt of their siblings problems, I don't know why, we just do. In theory, we are supposed to be able to run to our parents and cry and point and wait for someone to catch a beat down. It didn't go that way in my house.
If I ran crying to my parents about something one of my siblings did, their response was, "so what are you gonna do about it?" This taught me two things: 1. Don't go crying to your parents for a problem you can fix and 2. Crying doesn't solve a damn thing! Maybe that's harsh, but that's what I got out of it.
Add to that the fact that I am the opposite of what one might call a "girly" girl. I played varsity volleyball, basketball and was on the track team. I was in JROTC. I have always hated dressing up. I still can't walk in heels. I NEVER wear make-up. And I only cry when someone dies or is near death and NEVER in front of people unless it's at a funeral.
Think of me as Sweet Pea in this clip. Well maybe not that extreme, but you get the point.
With that logic, experience and attitude, a girl learns to either suppress her feelings, go numb or fool herself into believing they don't exist. I'm very good at the last two. So much so that I don't trust anybody any further than I can throw them. And, I shoulda been a brick mason for the expert way I construct walls around my heart.
So I've been going through with this dude I got "feelings" for that I'm not ready to admit I have. I've always known how I feel, it's just never been this intense. Anyway, we ended up in a restaurant together recently where we had a "flirty" waitress. My first instinct is to call that heffa a ho, but I won't stoop so low.
This chick was blatantly flirting with this dude right in front of me. I mean to the point of leaning in to take his drink order with her titties in his face. Under normal circumstances, we both would have found this funny because she's sooooo NOT his type. We were NOT in Hooters and small Breastuses were not on the menu.
Everyone sitting in our section was constantly calling her to get stuff they needed. We didn't have to because she was always at our damn table. Long story short, I ended up having a sucky night because of this tramp and what it boils down to is I don't know if I was jealous or if I was feeling disrespected. Either way, this is NOT the kid.
Usually, I'm too cool for school and I let everything roll off me like water on a duck's back, but that ain't happen that night. IDK what my issue was, but I was pissed. I mean, I was really feeling some kinda way and I don't like it!
I have spent the majority of my (almost) 27 years building walls and trying not to feel anything and here he comes tearing 'em down and making me have - feelings. Ewwwww. I feel like a girl now.

Friday, May 01, 2009

Is it real?!

Right now, I'm reading a book right now, called "Quarterlife Crisis: The Unique Challenges of Life in Your Twenties." As you can guess from that long a-- title, the book is all about the -ish you go through in your 20s and I want to hear from my older blog brothers and sisters if you think it's true. Shoo, I do. I'll tell you why.
I've got exactly 19 days before I hit 27. I'm looking forward to it actually. I'm hoping life gets better in my 30s. Don't get me wrong, I'm good right now, I really am, but it's been an uphill battle tryna get here. Dude, my 20s thus far have been the opposite of paradise, OK?
Check it, I graduated from college early right? So I jumped into the full-time working world, feet first at the tender age of 21. Secured an internship that turned into a job that was a 12-hour drive away from home and an 8-hour drive to my closest relative. I'm the baby of my immediate family with a lot of cousins my age.
The two years I lived there, I endured some of the craziest events I've ever seen in my young life. I was diagnosed with Panic Anxiety Disorder and took meds that had me thinking about some wild -ish! Like that wasn't bad enough, I spent six of those months drunk five out of seven days, withdrew from the world even more.
Lemme tell you, anti-anxiety meds and alcohol does not mix! That -ish had me contemplating ending it all. It really did. Thankfully, I decided against it because I thought that would be selfish to my family and besides, suicide would have taken away from my fabulousness and I can't have that! Needless to say, I took myself off the meds and I stopped drinking. That mess was scary!
OK, so, I had to quit that job because it almost drove me crazy and I couldn't take being that far away from my family all the time like that. I moved back home to my dad's house and took a job at a big box store that has a big red 'K' in the front. That started the craziest nine months of my life.
After Christmas, I left that store and went to work with kids and young adults with behavior and mental problems and selling furniture part time. Yes, Smarty worked with bad a-- kids and people who wanted to buy furniture.
I think I sold a set of mattresses and a bedroom suite while I worked at that furniture store. But while I was working with those kids, I took a couple of kicks to the shin, a couple of pushes and a few punches to the gut - while I had cramps! I almost caught a case for that one! After that, I came back to journalism. I had to. The idea of getting arrested, going to jail and having to be Big Bertha's wife just didn't appeal to me.
My entry back into journalism wasn't exactly grand. I took a job in one of the most unlikely places. I was only there for six weeks and that led to my job now. That's a lot of five years, huh? *LoL*
Even with all of this craziness, all of these changes I'm still grateful for it all. It's all played a part in who I've become. It's helped me, I think, to make better decisions about all the issues that arise being an upwardly mobile woman of the 21st Century. But please God, and ya'll too, tell me it gets better.
Tell me that trivial crap will stop mattering so much and I'll learn to take trials in stride as they come without completely spazing out! I swear, my 30s are a couple years off, but OMG, please, tell me I've got something better to look forward to. Tell the truth, hell, lie to me, just tell me it gets better.
The Quarterlife Crisis is really kicking my butt! I'm sick of it all ready. I'm tapping out! No mas! Twenties, you win!