... and I'm a girl.
No, it has not taken me nearly all my 27 years to figure that out, but it just kinda sorta showed itself in the worst way earlier this week.
First, lemme give you a little bit of background about ya girl. I am the last of four kids. The baby always bears the brunt of their siblings problems, I don't know why, we just do. In theory, we are supposed to be able to run to our parents and cry and point and wait for someone to catch a beat down. It didn't go that way in my house.
If I ran crying to my parents about something one of my siblings did, their response was, "so what are you gonna do about it?" This taught me two things: 1. Don't go crying to your parents for a problem you can fix and 2. Crying doesn't solve a damn thing! Maybe that's harsh, but that's what I got out of it.
Add to that the fact that I am the opposite of what one might call a "girly" girl. I played varsity volleyball, basketball and was on the track team. I was in JROTC. I have always hated dressing up. I still can't walk in heels. I NEVER wear make-up. And I only cry when someone dies or is near death and NEVER in front of people unless it's at a funeral.
Think of me as Sweet Pea in this clip. Well maybe not that extreme, but you get the point.
With that logic, experience and attitude, a girl learns to either suppress her feelings, go numb or fool herself into believing they don't exist. I'm very good at the last two. So much so that I don't trust anybody any further than I can throw them. And, I shoulda been a brick mason for the expert way I construct walls around my heart.
So I've been going through with this dude I got "feelings" for that I'm not ready to admit I have. I've always known how I feel, it's just never been this intense. Anyway, we ended up in a restaurant together recently where we had a "flirty" waitress. My first instinct is to call that heffa a ho, but I won't stoop so low.
This chick was blatantly flirting with this dude right in front of me. I mean to the point of leaning in to take his drink order with her titties in his face. Under normal circumstances, we both would have found this funny because she's sooooo NOT his type. We were NOT in Hooters and small Breastuses were not on the menu.
Everyone sitting in our section was constantly calling her to get stuff they needed. We didn't have to because she was always at our damn table. Long story short, I ended up having a sucky night because of this tramp and what it boils down to is I don't know if I was jealous or if I was feeling disrespected. Either way, this is NOT the kid.
Usually, I'm too cool for school and I let everything roll off me like water on a duck's back, but that ain't happen that night. IDK what my issue was, but I was pissed. I mean, I was really feeling some kinda way and I don't like it!
I have spent the majority of my (almost) 27 years building walls and trying not to feel anything and here he comes tearing 'em down and making me have - feelings. Ewwwww. I feel like a girl now.
PODCAST: The Chronic...25 Years Later - On December 15, 1992, Dr. Dre released the hip hop classic album, The Chronic. Where were you? What are your thoughts on this album? Listen to this pod...
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