Thursday, November 15, 2007

Now ...

... now they've gone too far! First, Don Imus calls the Rutgers Women's Basketball team "nappy-headed hoes," then some random white lady called Hilary Clinton a bitch now, they're trying to make Santa stop saying "ho, ho, ho."
What does Santa have to do with this?
Apparently, some folks down under in Sydney say that some children may be frightened and some women maybe offended if the mall Santa sits atop his perch belting out "ho, ho, ho" all day long.
I mean dang, I know Santa dresses like a pimp and all, but I didn't think they'd resort to taking away his laughter. How many of us haven't been about somebody who has a jacked up laugh? Even then, you don't make them stop, you just don't say anything funny around them.
And on top of that, it ain't Santa's "ho, ho, ho" that the kids are afraid of. It's the fact that they haven't seen this dude all year, now all of a sudden, you're telling them they have to sit on his lap to get a surprise on Christmas morn?
That would scare me too. I mean, I am all for some free stuff but why do I have to get molested by Santa to get it?
I'm just saying, they have taken this thing a bit too far. Santa has been coming from the North Pole for hundreds of years to entertain the kids and bring surprises and he's had the same laugh, I hardly think that he's been doing it intentionally to disrespect women for all this time. Plus, if you get offended because Santa says, "ho, ho, ho" then maybe you should stop sleeping around.
Who wants to go see Santa and he's belting out, "ha, ha, ha." That makes him seem too real because he has a real person's laugh and where's the magic in that? If anything, it will scare the kids more. And God forbid Santa is being played by somebody the kids knows, every time he sees that person, that kid is either going to ask for something or realize that the pedophile Santa is Mr. Ratley from down the street.
Then on top of that, they are trying to make Santa lose weight. I saw on ABC News that they are hiring slim Santas in London this year to discourage childhood obesity. I wonder how that's gonna work out.
You take the kid to the mall to see that Santa who weighed 300 pounds last year and this year, he weighs a buck 75, don't you think that will send an even worse message?
"Ha, ha, ha kids, you too can be skinny! Don't you want Santa to bring you a crack pipe for Christmas?"
Whatever, they'd better leave Santa alone before we all don't get anything for Christmas. The last thing we need is for Santa to be on strike. We are already running out of new television episodes, loosing money on Broadway tickets and now they want us to give up Santa?
What next?

5 comments:

TH said...

They'e hiring slimmer Santas? I guess next year they'll only hire young Santas with metro-sexual-style clothes and instead of sitting on his lap for a photo, they'll have kids run a marathon and pose for a photo as they cross finish line in another "effort" to curb childhood obesity. What's really going on?

Smarty Jones said...

A metrosexual Santa? Oh the horror! Let me find out the queer guys have an eye for Santa. What will the elves say? More importantly, what will Mrs. Claus say?

TH said...

Mrs. Claus? Remember, times are changing...it's Ms. Claus from here on out. And she's getting tired of her husband staying out all night one day a year...and the fact that people think only a man can guide a sled pulled by deer and carry that heavy bag with the toys of all the world's children and slide down a chimney. By 2009 we'll start seeing Ms. Santina Claus'posing for photos with children on her lap.

Smarty Jones said...

You're crazy. But I can see it though. Instead of a beard, she'll have one of those white Marge Simpson beehives.
And on top of that, those kids won't be sitting on her lap, they're going to be posing those pictures like they're in jail or in the club with the Escalade back drop.

TH said...

How could I forget the back drop. And by then, "ho, ho, ho" will be back to an endearing term for the kids to greet Ms. Claus with, among other explicatives.