I got this idea from two fellow bloggers, Irene and The Jaded Nyer. They wrote a letter to their younger selves giving advice based on what they know now.
Honestly, I think this could be very cathartic but it could be drudging up old memories of things I'm not quite over. Either way, here goes ...
There's so much to say, I hardly know where to begin. I know you've seen a lot with your young eyes, but that IS NOT all that the world has to offer. The world is so much bigger than that Podunk wasteland you call home and you'll see that soon enough.
Right now, you're probably too young to see it, but there are people in your family who don't want to see you do well. They talk about you, put you down all because they see your potential, they see your drive and they don't want to see you succeed because you have dark skin and course hair.
They will talk about you. They'll call you tar baby, porch monkey and every other degrading name they can think of, but you're not that. You're better than that. They can see it and they hate you for it. Let them hate and and let them talk. You just keep doing your damnedest to prove them wrong.
You'll make them eat the words they spewed calling you dumb and saying that you'd be pregnant before you graduate high school. You'll shock them all by becoming the first in the family to graduate college - and you'll do it early, with honors.
Don't be surprised when they don't show up. Just know that they can't stand that it was you who did it first but revel in the fact that they will need you later. You don't need them to love you. Love yourself.
LOVE yourself, LOVE YOURSELF! After a while, you'll learn that you're all you have and if you mistreat yourself, how do you expect everyone else to treat you? If you start treating yourself like you're worthy, like you're deserving, everyone else will follow your lead. If they don't, damn 'em. You don't need 'em anyway.
Please stop being angry and bitter toward Daddy. He's going through a rough time right now, things will get better. He never intended for you to see how drunk he can get and how much weed he could smoke at one time. He didn't mean to almost kill you on the way home that day. Alcohol and weed is how he copes. It's not right but that's what he does. You'll understand him later when you spend six months of your life drunk damn near everyday because you can't deal.
In spite of his actions, he does love you. He gets better. He'll start going to church, he'll get baptised and when you get to college, he'll be your best friend. I swear, it's going to happen, you just have to be patient.
He'll be there for your concerts, your drill meets and he'll even come to your basketball games when you're riding the pine. When he gets himself together, he'll be your No. 1 fan.
You'll forgive him for all the broken promises and for ignoring you and taking you to places where you felt beyond uncomfortable. All of this will instill a healthy mistrust of men that will be a blessing and a burden later on.As for Mama, be as less of a burden to her as possible. I know she seems invincible right now, but she's going to get sick - really sick. If you can, try to get her to stop smoking. It's bad for her and it's going to jeopardize her health.
And regardless of how you feel, she loves you. Though she may not hug you or tell you, she does love you. She's been through a lot and she's showing you she loves you the best way she knows how.
She doesn't love your brother and sister more. She is trying to make up for what they didn't have in their father. Don't feel like she loves them more because she gives them more attention and accolades. Stop finding ways to hurt yourself so that she will hug and kiss you and give you attention.
That rusty nail in your foot will hurt like hell and setting your self on fire is NOT a good idea. That shit burns and hurts at the same time and you will never forget it! Besides, you won't need her attention all the time. You'll have Daddy to be your cheering section.
In spite of their constant teasing and your sister's need to use you as her punching bag, your brothers and sister love you. They're all hurting and you'll be the one thing they'll be able to control. Don't take that shit!
Mama and Daddy will write it off as them giving you a hard time because you're the baby. They won't see the bruises, inside and out. They won't be around when they knock the wind out of you and laugh about it. They won't be there to stop them from humiliating you in front of your friends and theirs. Again, don't take that shit!
Give as good as you get! Man up! Your sister will not stop beating your ass until you beat hers. She will continue to punch you in your face and sit her fat ass on your head until you promptly beat the hell out of her! Hit her one good time and while she's standing there stunned, jump on that ass!
Trust me, she'll stop. And when you get older, she'll drop about 100 pounds and you'll be bigger than her. Then, you can smack her around when you get ready! For real, it happens.
Mama's going to get married. Don't worry, he's cool. His kids are too, but you won't like them at first. Get over it now because you want her to be happy. OK?
Being the baby of the family, you have an advantage that none of your siblings do. You will be able to learn from their mistakes and not make your own. This will be a big help, but I warn you, do not become too cautious. Making mistakes spices up your life. It creates memories. I don't want you to look up when you're damn near 30 and remember that you spent your life over thinking everything and not participating.
Your friends are not wild and crazy, they're being kids. It might do you some good to take your cue from them and take the stick out of your ass. You might have some fun.
Last but not least, enjoy your life. Right now, you take sunny days and warm weather for granted. Later on you won't be able to just sit on the porch with a Popsicle and watch the clouds change shapes. You're gonna have to work your ass off just to make your ends meet. You'll have to figure out how to get through stuff on your own because you will have NO point of reference.
So, be easy and enjoy your life now. You've got plenty of time to be serious and grown later. If you stop taking yourself so seriously, everyone else will. Keep a song in your heart. Enjoy yourself, because when you get grown, it's on.
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