Thursday, April 02, 2009

The Book, Part 3

Yesterday, I delved into some of the things in Steve Harvey's book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," that stuck out to me. Scroll down, you'll see things like, "What Drives Men," and "How They Love."
While these things stuck out to me and brought insight, the following enlightened me and annoyed me at the same time. Again, I'm mildly impressed because I've never felt both things at the same time.

Well duh! I've been saying that for years. One of my fellow bloggers, The Jaded Nyer, even says that the Y-chromosome is a birth defect. LMAO!!!
While I won't go that far with it, I will agree that they are simple. Real simple. Like, boiling water simple. That's not a bad thing, it's actually a good thing, that means it doesn't take much to make you happy.
At least it seems like it doesn't take much to make you happy. You are all far more complicated than this book lets on. I'm not saying that I'm looking to this book for ALL the answers but Harvey is telling half-truths.

The book says you only need three things: love, loyalty and support and the Cookie.
Apparently men need our love, that's a given, I think. Nobody wants to be in a relationship where they don't feel loved. If they do, I think that's a cry for help that you just need a warm body next to you and there are deeper issues.
Secondly, he says they need loyalty and support. He's basically saying that a man wants to know their woman is gonna be their ride or die chick no matter what. I took this to mean that they want us in their corner for all the decisions they make no matter how crazy or rash we think they are, they need to know that we'll support them in it and that we will love only them.
I can understand that. That's what women want too. All I'm saying is reciprocity is the name of the game!
Last but certainly not least, men need The Cookie and I don't mean Toll House either! The book, and every man I know, say they need sex like they need food and air so it's cruel to make them wait for it. *smh* Make up your damn minds is what I say.
Every man with a daughter or a sister or a cousin that they treat like a sister is going to tell a woman to hold on to her most prized possession. I got the "Don't let a dude talk you out of your draws" talk more times than I can remember, yet ya'll say you need it. *smh*
Ladies, a word from the wise - you can not control a man with sex. He'll go get it somewhere else, they always can. That is basically what Harvey says in the book, but I've seen it with my own four eyes. Holding out NEVER turns out well.
Hell, I know so many women who hold out to prove a point. I still don't get that. I have never been that chick. My logic has always been, "Cause you mad I can't get none?" That's ri-damn-diculous!
Shoot, give him some and still be mad! That will mess him up! OK, that was me talking. Let's get back to the book.

Another thing that Harvey said in the book that is hella obvious to me is men are fixers, not talkers. I agree with that to a certain degree. Lemme explain.
I work in a highly stressful field. In previous jobs, I have been threatened, called all kinds of racial slurs, found nooses, you name it, it's probably happened to me. Sometimes, I just want to vent. Hell, sometimes I need to vent. You can't walk around with all this stuff bottled up inside you, that's how people go postal.
On separate occasions, I have called my father, my brothers and the dude I mentioned yesterday to vent. The problem with that is I could barely do it, they all interrupted me offering solutions when I just wanted to put it all out there. Then it became an argument because I told them, I don't need them to fix it, I just want them to listen.
I think, perhaps, the more accurate way to say this is men don't talk to women because they damn sure talk to each other. They may not do it over coffee or a glass of wine or in the middle of the book club meeting, but they do talk. They talk to each other during half time, on the golf course, at the gym, shooting pool. I guess doing manly things takes the femininity out of actually talking through your issues.
Harvey advises that in the event you do need to talk to your man, never begin the conversation with "We need to talk," because he puts up his defenses and he is then hearing defensively. According to Harvey when men hear those four words, the immediate thought is, "What I do now?!" He advises to begin with, "Nothing's wrong, I just need to vent for a few minutes," or just start talking about the issue.
Either way, this is around the time this book started pissing me off again and I started taking issue with Mr. Harvey's words.

***More to come tomorrow***


The Jaded NYer said...

In all fairness I cannot take full credit for calling the Y-chromosome a birth defect; that was Valerie Solanas in her SCUM Manifesto (read it- it will blow your mind: But I believe it whole-heartedly.

And after giving it some thought, although I'm really enjoying your piece by piece review of the book, I'm gonna pass on reading it.

It sounds like a bunch of commonsensical stuff, and since you already outlined it I think it's safe to say I don't need to read it LOL

Smarty Jones said...

Well you introduced me to it. It's still high-larious!
After I am done tomorrow, you prolly won't need to read it. I've pretty much given you an overview and you won't need to read it then. ;)
You know I'm here for you girl, tryna save you a step since you're so busy and everything. :)