I've also shared some personal situations and emotions in relation to this book with you. I told you yesterday that the part of the book that stated that men don’t talk is where I started to get pissed off. It’s not that I saw myself or my situation. It just kind of bothered me that this is the information that the author, Steve Harvey, felt is appropriate to teach women.
Harvey states over and over in his interviews that he is no expert, but be prepared for the title when you write a book that becomes a “relationship/self-help” guide or manual. Since he’s thrust himself in the position, allow me to crucify his ass like one.
With that said …
ACT LIKE A LADY
It is no secret that a large majority of women of color who are college educated, sometimes with multiple degrees, successful in their careers are single. In a lot of cases it is by choice, but with my friends and me, it is more by circumstance than anything else.
Apparently, strong and successful women intimidate a lot of men because we either put out a vibe or they determine by looking at us that we don’t need a man. I’ll wait while you roll your eyes, suck you teeth and laugh …According to Harvey, before men look at us, they size us up based on what we’re wearing and how we carry ourselves (I hate that phrase) and determine whether or not they can “afford” us. *smh* If we’re wearing nice clothes, carrying expensive designer bags with our hair and nails done, wearing fabulous shoes with flawless make-up, the “average” man determines that we are taking care of ourselves and by their definition not needing a man to take care of us.
First of f$%kin’ all, I have never been the make-up, dressing up type chick who cared about name brand anything. Give me some jeans that fit and a pair of Nikes, some lip gloss and I’m cool! That's the kind of girl I am LoL. Harvey basically said I am camouflage. LoL. Ohh-kay.
In the same chapter, he also says that we need all of that to make ourselves aesthetically pleasing to them. So by his logic, the things that attract men also repel them. I thought they were supposed to be simple. *hmph*
The book says that over time, women have evolved into these strong beings out of necessity because men have been making babies and running out on the women for the past three generations so we’ve had to make up for what we missed having men around.
I can see that. What I can’t see is how we evolved but men haven’t. By this logic, we have to cast aside the things we were taught by our mothers and our grandmothers about being strong and not taking any -ish from men.
For example, where some of my female counterparts shudder at things like spiders and mice and others of us just get rid of the damn pest by any means necessary, we’re supposed to jump on chairs, scream and point so he can poke out his chest and swoop in like Captain Save ‘Em and take care of it.
By Harvey’s logic, we have taken away two of the three ways a man shows his love. We’ve eliminated provision and protection. Pardon me, but this is a crock of shit!
SHOW HIM GRATITUDE
If that isn’t enough, we are supposed to congratulate them for their “help” if they step in and wash a dish, do a load of laundry, wash the car, cut the grass and everything else their asses should be helping with to keep a household going.
If this is being lady like and the reason I am still single, thank you Jesus and three other black men! I
I tell you what I will do though. Men like sports, right? Nothing says "Job well done," like a pat on the ass. I say every time dudes take out the trash, cut the grass, wash the car, anything to help out, I say we pat 'em on the ass! We could start a brand new craze that sweeps the nation.
Honestly, aren't relationships are designed to be a give and take kind of situation? To paraphrase a couple I interviewed earlier this year who has been married nearly 49 years, “(relationships) aren’t always 50/50. Sometimes, I don’t have 50. Sometimes, I might only have 30 and she has to make up the other 70.”
WHAT I THINK
So, my logic begs the question, will I act this way to get a man. The answer to that is not just no – HELL NO! And if men are honest with themselves, they don’t want this either. According to my own independent research, men want honesty, they want real women, well how in the hell are we gonna be honest and real running around playing the damsel in distress to a man who get validation from killing a mouse? *smh*
Call it what you will, but asking me to put aside my strength and independence is asking me to shed the very essence of my being. If this is lady like, I don’t want it. Is this is what I have to do for love, I’ll be OK. I’ll take Madea’s advice and get a puppy and a gold fish for company and somebody to light up and be happy when I get home at night. *smh*
Harvey calls this “playing the game” and I can’t get with that. We’re grown now. It’s time out for playing games – these kinds of games anyway. I don’t play games with my heart. This is the very reason I don’t like to make decisions based on how I feel because other mofos are out here playing “games.’ *smh*
And to think, I thought this dude had something to say.
WHAT I'LL TAKE WITH ME
Overall, I have to say that this book has opened my eyes to my own power as a woman. I'm not sitting over here with the evil laugh or anything but the ball is definitely in my court. And yours too ladies.
Ultimately, we have the final say so in how men treat us. I love Betty Wright, but she was wrong when she said, "Having a piece of man is better than having no man at all." If you settle for less, you get what you deserve.
It's all up to us, ladies. Men treat us as bad as we let them and it all begins with our standards or the lack thereof. That much I agree with Harvey on. He even gave a list of 10 questions for women to ask themselves to formulate our standards and requirements. I have yet to answer these questions for myself because I am still working on my answers. Our resident RBW, Eb the Celeb did answer them, though. Go take a look to see what she had to say.
Well, that's all I got. It's up to you now. Read the book - or don't. It's up to you. It's entertainment if nothing else. :)