I love to read ...

... seriously, it's the only other thing in the world I couldn't live without besides writing, music and movies.
Last night, I finished Sista Souljah's latest book, "Midnight." For those of you who read her first fiction work, "The Coldest Winter Ever," this book is the follow up to that.
It really has been dang near 10 years since she's published a fiction piece and this is the result. We actually met Midnight, the title character, in "The Coldest Winter Ever," but this is NOT the sequel. It took hearing from one of my college classmates that it was not the sequel for me to actually get into it.
Just to give you a little background on Sista Souljah. She is a Bronx native who graduated from Rutgers University. She's traveled to several countries such as England, France, Spain, Portugal and South Africa for work and studies.
She's done a lot of work in her community as an activist organizing rallies against police brutality, racially motivated crime and miseducation of black children.
I got all this from the bio on her website. Since I'm no plagiarist and I don't feel like paraphrasing the whole thing, visit her site and take a look.
So, for those of you who have yet to read or see the book, it is hella long, but that didn't bother me. I'll read a story forever if it keeps me captivated and this one did. I like the way she writes and the way she describes things to the reader. Hell, even if my imagination weren't so active, I'd probably still feel like I was there watching the whole thing.
I found it to be fascinating the way she told the story completely from Midnight's point of view and how after all those words and pages, I still don't know his name. Still, I felt like I knew him and I wanted to hug him, shake his hand and take some of the burdens off his young shoulders.
But at the same time, I wanted him to know that life is not as cut and dry as he saw it. There are a lot of gray areas in life. Midnight is by far the most complex character I've read in a long time. He has so many layers that if he were a real person, I'd probably be terrified of him.
I'm not going to tell you anything about the book - what it's about, the conflicts - all I will say is I despise cliffhangers. I didn't even watch the movie "Cliffhanger" because I need to see what the freak happens. I feel gypped.
After days and days of reading this big, heavy a-- book, it ends in a damn cliffhanger! A cliffhanger! With all that, you'd think she wrote the last episode of "The L Word."
What's next? Will they kill off George in Grey's Anatomy too without an explanation? Will my dude in "Lie to Me" quit his job for no reason? This is why I hate suspense movies. I just NEED to know what's gonna happen! My imagination is too damn active to just let this rest!
Ugh!
*pops a Motrin for my migraine*

Sometimes I Wonder ...

- Was it always cold on "Good Times?"

- Why did Thelma always whine?

- Exactly how many times did she get engaged?

- How come Willonia just walked in without knocking?

- Who left their door unlocked living in the Chicago projects?

- How come people never say "bye" when they hang up the phone on TV?

- Who picks the people to interview for these VH1 specials?

- How come I don't know half these so-called comedians and actors on "Ego Trippin's Black to the Future?"

- How do I become one of these random people on VH1?

- Speaking of random -ish on VH1, am I the only person who refused to watched the foolishness that was "For the Love of Ray J?"

- Who do I need to curse out and/or beat down over there to stop from putting that crap on the air?

- Why do people give a crap about these D-list celebrities finding "love?"

- Speaking of that damn word, why do you coupled off people want to set your single friends up with other single people?

- If you know both people well, shouldn't you know they're incompatible?

- Don't you think if we wanted to hook up with each other, we would have said something before?

- Why is the dating process so damn taxing?

- What is it about "you irritate the -ish outta me" that you don't understand?

- Note to men on the DL, "YOU'RE NOT AS STRAIGHT LOOKING AS YOU THINK YOU ARE!"

- Do you ever see an odd-looking couple and wonder how in hell they met?

- Is it wrong that I give them names and back stories?

- Do you think I'll be caught doing it and forced to stop?

- I'm contemplating a week of silence, think I'll make it?

- I'm gonna do the 5K Walk for Lupus Now in the Queen City of Charlotte on Saturday. You guys wanna help me reach my fund raising goal? I know it's a recession and all, but I know you got $5. Click the link and help a chick meet her goal!

DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK!!!

Lee Woodruff, a freelance writer and the wife of wounded ABC News anchor Bob Woodruff, has written a book "Perfectly Imperfect: a Life in Progress." Don't buy it. Seriously, don't buy it. No I've not read it, I don't plan to. I don't really need to. I'm not posting a picture because that book gets no play up in here! I'll tell you why.
First, lemme just say that social networking sites are awesome!!! They allow us to keep up with our friends, family and co-workers and they give us a chance to get not so up close but personal with some of our favorite celebs.
Thanks to Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, YouTube and an endless list of blogs, I have been able to meet and in some cases converse with some of my favorite celebs and journalists like Kandi Burress from Xscape, MC Lyte, Royale Watkins and Rene Syler. Actually, Rene is the reason for this post.
For those of you who don't know her, Rene did a four-year stint as an anchor for the CBS Early Show and she penned the book "Good Enough Mother - The Perfectly Imperfect Book of Parenting." You guys saw her more recently hosting BET's inauguration coverage.
She was let go from The Early Show about two years ago round the time that she underwent a double mastectomy to drastically reduce her chance of developing breast cancer. Since then, she's been working to build her web site and network of GEMs (Good Enough Mothers).
Since the book came out, Rene has been on her grind. First promoting the book. Then, doing speaking engagements and raising awareness about breast cancer, which both of her parents battled and last but certainly NOT least, raising two kids and a husband! *tehehehe*
Because we are friends on Facebook and I follow her tweets, I have seen a lot of her videos and read her blog on her website and I know she's coined a lot of terms. According to the U.S. Patent and Trademark office, she's even trademarked the terms "The Good Enough Mother," and "GEM," in 2006. And guess what else she trademarked? You've guessed it, "perfectly imperfect."
Because Woodruff and her publishers have allegedly stolen Rene's work, you'd think this could all be settled with a lawsuit, right? WRONG! Apparently, a judge has ruled that Woodruff and her publishers are merely exercising their first amendment rights in naming the book.
Not only that, apparently, Woodruff is on the speaking circuit speaking to groups about women's issues. Now, call me crazy, but this somehow sounds like this Woodruff chick is trying to jack Rene's swag - allegedly.
Ya'll know that I'm all for the First Amendment, but what I'm not for is bastardizing it for a monetary gain. I hope everything will work out for Rene but I also hope that you guys DO NOT buy this book. In fact, tell everyone you know not to buy that book.
I always like to see fellow journalists succeed, but I can't co-sign for anyone succeeding while trampling the work of others - allegedly. I hope Oprah and the ladies on "The View" get a hold of this story and do it objectively without the sympathetic slant.
Click her pic to visit Rene's site or click the link to visit her YouTube Channel. Follow her on Twitter or do a search for her on Facebook. If we're friends on Facebook, she's on my friend list. Send some prayers and encouragement her way, she's in the middle of the fight of her life!

When I have bad days ...

... I usually find a song(s), usually Gospel, to get me through my day. Without going into detail, the last few weeks have been really trying for me dealing with death, illness and a whole lot of stuff I can't control.
So, here are a few songs that are getting me through as of right now. I hope they will be a blessing to you if you're ever in need.

"Praise Him In Advance" by Marvin Sapp

"My Name Is Victory" by Jonathan Nelson

"Just That Good" by Kim Person. Do yourself a favor and buy her CD.

Since we're writing letters ...

I got this idea from two fellow bloggers, Irene and The Jaded Nyer. They wrote a letter to their younger selves giving advice based on what they know now.
Honestly, I think this could be very cathartic but it could be drudging up old memories of things I'm not quite over. Either way, here goes ...

Dear Tiffany,
There's so much to say, I hardly know where to begin. I know you've seen a lot with your young eyes, but that IS NOT all that the world has to offer. The world is so much bigger than that Podunk wasteland you call home and you'll see that soon enough.
Right now, you're probably too young to see it, but there are people in your family who don't want to see you do well. They talk about you, put you down all because they see your potential, they see your drive and they don't want to see you succeed because you have dark skin and course hair.
They will talk about you. They'll call you tar baby, porch monkey and every other degrading name they can think of, but you're not that. You're better than that. They can see it and they hate you for it. Let them hate and and let them talk. You just keep doing your damnedest to prove them wrong.
You'll make them eat the words they spewed calling you dumb and saying that you'd be pregnant before you graduate high school. You'll shock them all by becoming the first in the family to graduate college - and you'll do it early, with honors.
Don't be surprised when they don't show up. Just know that they can't stand that it was you who did it first but revel in the fact that they will need you later. You don't need them to love you. Love yourself.
LOVE yourself, LOVE YOURSELF! After a while, you'll learn that you're all you have and if you mistreat yourself, how do you expect everyone else to treat you? If you start treating yourself like you're worthy, like you're deserving, everyone else will follow your lead. If they don't, damn 'em. You don't need 'em anyway.
Please stop being angry and bitter toward Daddy. He's going through a rough time right now, things will get better. He never intended for you to see how drunk he can get and how much weed he could smoke at one time. He didn't mean to almost kill you on the way home that day. Alcohol and weed is how he copes. It's not right but that's what he does. You'll understand him later when you spend six months of your life drunk damn near everyday because you can't deal.
In spite of his actions, he does love you. He gets better. He'll start going to church, he'll get baptised and when you get to college, he'll be your best friend. I swear, it's going to happen, you just have to be patient.
He'll be there for your concerts, your drill meets and he'll even come to your basketball games when you're riding the pine. When he gets himself together, he'll be your No. 1 fan.
You'll forgive him for all the broken promises and for ignoring you and taking you to places where you felt beyond uncomfortable. All of this will instill a healthy mistrust of men that will be a blessing and a burden later on.As for Mama, be as less of a burden to her as possible. I know she seems invincible right now, but she's going to get sick - really sick. If you can, try to get her to stop smoking. It's bad for her and it's going to jeopardize her health.
And regardless of how you feel, she loves you. Though she may not hug you or tell you, she does love you. She's been through a lot and she's showing you she loves you the best way she knows how.
She doesn't love your brother and sister more. She is trying to make up for what they didn't have in their father. Don't feel like she loves them more because she gives them more attention and accolades. Stop finding ways to hurt yourself so that she will hug and kiss you and give you attention.
That rusty nail in your foot will hurt like hell and setting your self on fire is NOT a good idea. That shit burns and hurts at the same time and you will never forget it! Besides, you won't need her attention all the time. You'll have Daddy to be your cheering section.
In spite of their constant teasing and your sister's need to use you as her punching bag, your brothers and sister love you. They're all hurting and you'll be the one thing they'll be able to control. Don't take that shit!
Mama and Daddy will write it off as them giving you a hard time because you're the baby. They won't see the bruises, inside and out. They won't be around when they knock the wind out of you and laugh about it. They won't be there to stop them from humiliating you in front of your friends and theirs. Again, don't take that shit!
Give as good as you get! Man up! Your sister will not stop beating your ass until you beat hers. She will continue to punch you in your face and sit her fat ass on your head until you promptly beat the hell out of her! Hit her one good time and while she's standing there stunned, jump on that ass!
Trust me, she'll stop. And when you get older, she'll drop about 100 pounds and you'll be bigger than her. Then, you can smack her around when you get ready! For real, it happens.
Mama's going to get married. Don't worry, he's cool. His kids are too, but you won't like them at first. Get over it now because you want her to be happy. OK?
Being the baby of the family, you have an advantage that none of your siblings do. You will be able to learn from their mistakes and not make your own. This will be a big help, but I warn you, do not become too cautious. Making mistakes spices up your life. It creates memories. I don't want you to look up when you're damn near 30 and remember that you spent your life over thinking everything and not participating.
Your friends are not wild and crazy, they're being kids. It might do you some good to take your cue from them and take the stick out of your ass. You might have some fun.
Last but not least, enjoy your life. Right now, you take sunny days and warm weather for granted. Later on you won't be able to just sit on the porch with a Popsicle and watch the clouds change shapes. You're gonna have to work your ass off just to make your ends meet. You'll have to figure out how to get through stuff on your own because you will have NO point of reference.
So, be easy and enjoy your life now. You've got plenty of time to be serious and grown later. If you stop taking yourself so seriously, everyone else will. Keep a song in your heart. Enjoy yourself, because when you get grown, it's on.

Love always,

Me

Open Letter to Alltel/Verizon

To Whom It May Concern at the Alltel Corporation:

My name is Smarty Jones and my father and I have been loyal customers of your cellular phone service since 1999. Until about six months ago, we have not had any problems or concerns that your cadre of (one-time) well-mannered and articulate customer service representatives could not handle.
In the past six months, my father and I have both encountered inefficient, inarticulate and down right rude customer service reps, and those are the ones in the stores. If we decide to call, we've both spoken to John and Raj who were set up somewhere in India I'm guessing because these guys were NOT in America.
As I understand it, Verizon has completed the purchase of this company in January. I spoke with one of the representatives for your company last June and was assured that I would see minimal changes and interruptions if any at all. Either that rep lied to me or you all lied to her, either way, I'm pissed about it.
We have paid our bill, on time, every month for the past 10 years. How many of your other customers can say that? It isn't that we are looking to be rewarded for being responsible but where's your appreciation for the dang loyalty? Where's your customer loyalty?
More recently, I have been having trouble with my Moto Q Smartphone that I purchased last May. Less than six months after I purchased it, it had to be replaced by the manufacturer because it would not hold a charge.
A week ago Thursday, I went back to the same store where I purchased the phone because again, I was having problems with this phone and to change my service plan. Now, the phone shuts itself down in the middle of conversations and I can not get the jack for the charger to stay put so that the battery can charge. In addition to that, I needed to down grade my service plan because I found that we have been wasting money.
I made the attempt to do some of this on the phone where I spoke to Raj who could not understand that I was saying that we don't need 2,000 minutes when we only use about 800 between us. When I asked to speak to a manager, he acted as if I'd offended him and the three prior generations of his family.
Frustrated, I went to the nearest store only to wait an hour and 15 minutes before I was able to be seen because apparently 20 other people in the area tried to call in and they, no doubt, talked to Raj too. After waiting all that time, one of your immaculately dressed but incredibly dizzy customer service agents in the store ordered a "new" phone for me and changed my service plan to 1,200 minutes per month instead of the current 2,000.
I was told I would receive my phone in four to six days. Eleven days later, I still don't have a phone and I'm walking around with a partially charged phone that has been on the charger for two days. *smdh*
Given the circumstances, I was forced to make another trip to the store where I was told by another associate, with a pissy attitude, that the wrong address was typed in as the delivery address and my new phone was somewhere in Kentucky and my service plan had not been changed.
This sir/ma'am is highly unacceptable for a pair of loyal customers. While I'm sure this is just the result of piss poor management somewhere other than the executive level, *sarcasm* my father and I don't appreciate being jerked around because of the incompetence of your employees.
There are too many intelligent people out of work for you to have an assload of incompetent, inarticulate fools running your stores and call centers. In the event that something does not change between now and May 2010, your company will lose the Grice/Jones cell phone account.
Thank you for your attention in this matter.

Sincerely,

Smarty Jones

The Book, The Final Episode

OK class, so yesterday, we learned (or already knew) from "Think Like a Lady, Act Like a Man," that men are simple, they need three things for relationship survival and they are not talkers. The day before that we learned that they are driven by three things and they love differently than we do.
I've also shared some personal situations and emotions in relation to this book with you. I told you yesterday that the part of the book that stated that men don’t talk is where I started to get pissed off. It’s not that I saw myself or my situation. It just kind of bothered me that this is the information that the author, Steve Harvey, felt is appropriate to teach women.
Harvey states over and over in his interviews that he is no expert, but be prepared for the title when you write a book that becomes a “relationship/self-help” guide or manual. Since he’s thrust himself in the position, allow me to crucify his ass like one.
With that said …

ACT LIKE A LADY
It is no secret that a large majority of women of color who are college educated, sometimes with multiple degrees, successful in their careers are single. In a lot of cases it is by choice, but with my friends and me, it is more by circumstance than anything else.
Apparently, strong and successful women intimidate a lot of men because we either put out a vibe or they determine by looking at us that we don’t need a man. I’ll wait while you roll your eyes, suck you teeth and laugh …According to Harvey, before men look at us, they size us up based on what we’re wearing and how we carry ourselves (I hate that phrase) and determine whether or not they can “afford” us. *smh* If we’re wearing nice clothes, carrying expensive designer bags with our hair and nails done, wearing fabulous shoes with flawless make-up, the “average” man determines that we are taking care of ourselves and by their definition not needing a man to take care of us.
*smdh*
First of f$%kin’ all, I have never been the make-up, dressing up type chick who cared about name brand anything. Give me some jeans that fit and a pair of Nikes, some lip gloss and I’m cool! That's the kind of girl I am LoL. Harvey basically said I am camouflage. LoL. Ohh-kay.
In the same chapter, he also says that we need all of that to make ourselves aesthetically pleasing to them. So by his logic, the things that attract men also repel them. I thought they were supposed to be simple. *hmph*
The book says that over time, women have evolved into these strong beings out of necessity because men have been making babies and running out on the women for the past three generations so we’ve had to make up for what we missed having men around.
I can see that. What I can’t see is how we evolved but men haven’t. By this logic, we have to cast aside the things we were taught by our mothers and our grandmothers about being strong and not taking any -ish from men.
For example, where some of my female counterparts shudder at things like spiders and mice and others of us just get rid of the damn pest by any means necessary, we’re supposed to jump on chairs, scream and point so he can poke out his chest and swoop in like Captain Save ‘Em and take care of it.
By Harvey’s logic, we have taken away two of the three ways a man shows his love. We’ve eliminated provision and protection. Pardon me, but this is a crock of shit!

SHOW HIM GRATITUDE
If that isn’t enough, we are supposed to congratulate them for their “help” if they step in and wash a dish, do a load of laundry, wash the car, cut the grass and everything else their asses should be helping with to keep a household going.
If this is being lady like and the reason I am still single, thank you Jesus and three other black men! I can not will not stroke anybody’s ego. And I especially don’t reward people for the –ish that they should be doing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying let all the good deeds go unmentioned. Even a dog likes to hear they are being a good dog. But, I am not going to break my neck to thank you and/or throw you down to violate you every damn time you do what you are supposed to do.
I tell you what I will do though. Men like sports, right? Nothing says "Job well done," like a pat on the ass. I say every time dudes take out the trash, cut the grass, wash the car, anything to help out, I say we pat 'em on the ass! We could start a brand new craze that sweeps the nation.
Honestly, aren't relationships are designed to be a give and take kind of situation? To paraphrase a couple I interviewed earlier this year who has been married nearly 49 years, “(relationships) aren’t always 50/50. Sometimes, I don’t have 50. Sometimes, I might only have 30 and she has to make up the other 70.”

WHAT I THINK
So, my logic begs the question, will I act this way to get a man. The answer to that is not just no – HELL NO! And if men are honest with themselves, they don’t want this either. According to my own independent research, men want honesty, they want real women, well how in the hell are we gonna be honest and real running around playing the damsel in distress to a man who get validation from killing a mouse? *smh*
Call it what you will, but asking me to put aside my strength and independence is asking me to shed the very essence of my being. If this is lady like, I don’t want it. Is this is what I have to do for love, I’ll be OK. I’ll take Madea’s advice and get a puppy and a gold fish for company and somebody to light up and be happy when I get home at night. *smh*
Harvey calls this “playing the game” and I can’t get with that. We’re grown now. It’s time out for playing games – these kinds of games anyway. I don’t play games with my heart. This is the very reason I don’t like to make decisions based on how I feel because other mofos are out here playing “games.’ *smh*
And to think, I thought this dude had something to say.

WHAT I'LL TAKE WITH ME
Overall, I have to say that this book has opened my eyes to my own power as a woman. I'm not sitting over here with the evil laugh or anything but the ball is definitely in my court. And yours too ladies.
Ultimately, we have the final say so in how men treat us. I love Betty Wright, but she was wrong when she said, "Having a piece of man is better than having no man at all." If you settle for less, you get what you deserve.
It's all up to us, ladies. Men treat us as bad as we let them and it all begins with our standards or the lack thereof. That much I agree with Harvey on. He even gave a list of 10 questions for women to ask themselves to formulate our standards and requirements. I have yet to answer these questions for myself because I am still working on my answers. Our resident RBW, Eb the Celeb did answer them, though. Go take a look to see what she had to say.
Well, that's all I got. It's up to you now. Read the book - or don't. It's up to you. It's entertainment if nothing else. :)

The Book, Part 3

Yesterday, I delved into some of the things in Steve Harvey's book, "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man," that stuck out to me. Scroll down, you'll see things like, "What Drives Men," and "How They Love."
While these things stuck out to me and brought insight, the following enlightened me and annoyed me at the same time. Again, I'm mildly impressed because I've never felt both things at the same time.

MEN ARE SIMPLE
Well duh! I've been saying that for years. One of my fellow bloggers, The Jaded Nyer, even says that the Y-chromosome is a birth defect. LMAO!!!
While I won't go that far with it, I will agree that they are simple. Real simple. Like, boiling water simple. That's not a bad thing, it's actually a good thing, that means it doesn't take much to make you happy.
At least it seems like it doesn't take much to make you happy. You are all far more complicated than this book lets on. I'm not saying that I'm looking to this book for ALL the answers but Harvey is telling half-truths.

WHAT THEY NEED
The book says you only need three things: love, loyalty and support and the Cookie.
Apparently men need our love, that's a given, I think. Nobody wants to be in a relationship where they don't feel loved. If they do, I think that's a cry for help that you just need a warm body next to you and there are deeper issues.
Secondly, he says they need loyalty and support. He's basically saying that a man wants to know their woman is gonna be their ride or die chick no matter what. I took this to mean that they want us in their corner for all the decisions they make no matter how crazy or rash we think they are, they need to know that we'll support them in it and that we will love only them.
I can understand that. That's what women want too. All I'm saying is reciprocity is the name of the game!
Last but certainly not least, men need The Cookie and I don't mean Toll House either! The book, and every man I know, say they need sex like they need food and air so it's cruel to make them wait for it. *smh* Make up your damn minds is what I say.
Every man with a daughter or a sister or a cousin that they treat like a sister is going to tell a woman to hold on to her most prized possession. I got the "Don't let a dude talk you out of your draws" talk more times than I can remember, yet ya'll say you need it. *smh*
Ladies, a word from the wise - you can not control a man with sex. He'll go get it somewhere else, they always can. That is basically what Harvey says in the book, but I've seen it with my own four eyes. Holding out NEVER turns out well.
Hell, I know so many women who hold out to prove a point. I still don't get that. I have never been that chick. My logic has always been, "Cause you mad I can't get none?" That's ri-damn-diculous!
Shoot, give him some and still be mad! That will mess him up! OK, that was me talking. Let's get back to the book.

MEN DON'T TALK
Another thing that Harvey said in the book that is hella obvious to me is men are fixers, not talkers. I agree with that to a certain degree. Lemme explain.
I work in a highly stressful field. In previous jobs, I have been threatened, called all kinds of racial slurs, found nooses, you name it, it's probably happened to me. Sometimes, I just want to vent. Hell, sometimes I need to vent. You can't walk around with all this stuff bottled up inside you, that's how people go postal.
On separate occasions, I have called my father, my brothers and the dude I mentioned yesterday to vent. The problem with that is I could barely do it, they all interrupted me offering solutions when I just wanted to put it all out there. Then it became an argument because I told them, I don't need them to fix it, I just want them to listen.
I think, perhaps, the more accurate way to say this is men don't talk to women because they damn sure talk to each other. They may not do it over coffee or a glass of wine or in the middle of the book club meeting, but they do talk. They talk to each other during half time, on the golf course, at the gym, shooting pool. I guess doing manly things takes the femininity out of actually talking through your issues.
Harvey advises that in the event you do need to talk to your man, never begin the conversation with "We need to talk," because he puts up his defenses and he is then hearing defensively. According to Harvey when men hear those four words, the immediate thought is, "What I do now?!" He advises to begin with, "Nothing's wrong, I just need to vent for a few minutes," or just start talking about the issue.
Either way, this is around the time this book started pissing me off again and I started taking issue with Mr. Harvey's words.

***More to come tomorrow***

The Book, Part 2

So, yesterday, I gave you guys a couple of reasons why I decided to read "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man." I told you that most of what is in the book is information that deep down in our heart of hearts, women already knew.
I can't speak for all women, but I can speak for me and some of this, I knew. There's something funny though, even when you know stuff, there's something about seeing it in print that makes it true.
To start, I'll give you a brief synopsis of my background. I am the baby of my family. I have two older brothers, an older sister, two step-brothers and a step-sister. My parents split when I was four, I'm not sure why, but I have my suspicions.
In high school, I played sports and participated in my school's JROTC program. This gave me an opportunity to hang out with a lot of guys. In hanging out with these guys, and having a father and a brother who have been known to date more than one woman at a time, you pick up on stuff - a lot of stuff!

WHAT DRIVES MEN
In the book, Steve Harvey says that there are three things that drive a man: who he is, what he does and how much money he makes. According to Harvey, a man is not ready to settle down and take on the responsibilities of a wife and family until he is confident in all three areas.
I knew that, for the most part. Like most women, I applied the book to my current and past dealings with men (and boys) to get a better understanding. When I read this, I started to understand why I have been disregarded and written off at certain times in my young life.
For example, I am currently in love (yea I said it) with a dude that I been on a merry-go-round with since the 10th grade! In our adult lives, we have each other's everything, best friend, pal, confidant - you know, all the stuff in The Golden Girls theme song and R. Kelly's joint "Homie Lover Friend."
We've never had the "adult relationship" that I want. Without going into the details and pissing myself off, I will say that Harvey made a lot of sense with this statement. This dude knows who he is, he knows what he wants to do and he's taking the steps to get there because he knows how much he is going to make.
He's about to graduate in May with a master's in public administration and take the certified public accountant exam in December. (Yes, he is a nerd, just like me!)
Because he's been on his grind, working full-time and going to school full-time, he barely has enough time to sleep, let alone give me all of what I need to feel secure and loved. So, I understand.

HOW THEY LOVE
As I read further, Harvey says that a man shows his love differently than a woman. Where we, ladies, like to coddle and spoil our men they show their love by doing three things: professing, protecting and providing.
Basically, if a man loves you, he wants everyone within ear shot to know that you belong to him. It sounds cave man-like, but whatever. Anyway, Harvey says that if a man loves the woman he's with and has plans for her, he will introduce her as his lady, his girlfriend, his fiance, his future wife or whatever his intentions are for you.
With that said, if he introduces you as a friend or simply by your name, hang it up, he has no intentions for you beyond friendship. He will sleep with you, but he won't wife you up! I won't lie, when I read this, it pissed me off. I put the book down for about a week. I was mad. I've only ever been introduced by this particular dude as a friend.
Anyway, after a week of brooding and being depressed, I picked the book up again and the depression subsided because he then moved on to the protecting portion.
Said dude has always been the type to walk between me and cars, putting himself between me and strange people (particularly dudes), he was ready to jump on the highway and drive 12 hours to promptly whoop some ass after a man had offended me back in the day at my first job. This dude even offered to buy me a gun when I lived in my first apartment all alone because I needed "protection."
It made me smile.
When I got to the part about providing, my smile grew to an all out grin because according to this book, a man will move heaven and earth to provide for the woman he loves. Providing means paying the bills and buying the food and providing all those things that people need, the food, shelter and clothing.
Of the 11 years we've been going back and forth, I don't recall paying for a single thing. A stick of gum, a soda, nothing - haven't paid for it. I've tried, he won't let me always saying, "let me be a man!" LoL. So, I let him. I don't even offer anymore. I'm letting him be the man. Whatever that means.

More to come tomorrow. Stay tuned.