Saturday, February 14, 2009

It's time to wake up!!!

When I was nine, I saw my cousin's husband beat her. She'd just thrown him out of the house a couple of weeks before. They had a four-year-old and a one-year-old.
He came to the door saying he wanted to see the kids, when she opened the door to tell him to leave, he forced his way in and jumped on top of her hitting her in the face.
He left after my sister called the police. The whole thing probably lasted less than 10 minutes, but in my adolescent mind, it was an eternity. That was the first time domestic violence ever hit that close to home.
I had only seen men beat their wives on television. I had no reason to believe it actually happened. My father didn't beat my mother and to my knowledge, my grandfather never beat my grandmother.
All this happened nearly 18 years ago and I have never forgotten it. My point is, I never will. I still remember the fear in my cousin's eyes and the sheer evil that was in the eyes of her now ex-husband. The whole thing amazed, frightened and saddened me all at the same time.
A little more than a week ago, when news broke that Chris Brown and Rhianna had a domestic incident that resulted in assault on Rhianna, it brought all those feelings back and I don't even know them.
It seems like since everybody started watching Lifetime Movies on Sunday afternoons that we've all become desensitized to domestic violence. We don't hear about it until October during Domestic Violence Awareness Month or a woman in your city has been killed by her abusive husband and the evening news decides to throw the public some statistics.
Our society is based so much on living vicariously through our entertainers and following their every move, it almost feels like I do know them. If that's not enough, I have a couple of young nieces who are in love with that boy and have the nerve to defend him.
Friday night, I sat down to discuss with my 10-year-old niece why she thinks he didn't do it. It went a little something like this:
Niece: He wouldn't do that.
Me: Why the hell not?
Niece: Because he's Chris Brown.
Me: All the more reason for him to believe he could get away with it.
Niece: Well how do you know he did it?
Me: I don't. But if he got arrested for assault on a female, there's a pretty good chance it happened.
Niece: Well, people who didn't do it go to jail all the time.
Me: You're right, but in domestic violence cases, police tend to arrest the aggressors.
Niece: What's an ah-gress-rr?
Me: It's the person who did the most damage.
Niece: Well how you know that she wasn't the ah-gress-rr?
Me: I don't know. But the reports say that she had visable signs that she was abused.
Niece: She coulda just got in a fight with somebody else.
Me: You're right, but the chances are pretty good it was him.
Did I tell ya'll she was 10? I'm gonna get this kid into somebody's law school or j-school, she'd be great at either!
Anyway, odds are you know someone who has been affected by domestic violence in one way or another. I challenge you all to educate yourselves and others. If you are involved in an abusive relationship, get out and get help or get help so you can get out.
Love is not supposed to hurt, it's supposed to be "patient, kind, not puffed up" and everything else it says in I Corinthians. Today is the day that those blood sucking retailers and gullible people have set aside for "love," so let's remember what it actually means.
Make everyday Valentine's Day, tell your loved ones how you feel about them and by all means, keep your hands to yourself!

7 comments:

12kyle said...

Good post Smarty

It's good that you took the time to talk to your niece about what happened. You know that you ain't gonna change her mind (LOL) about him but at least you took the time to talk about it. Most people don't. My 9 yr old son asked me about it and I told him what allegedly happened. I also explained to him that he should never put his hands on a woman.

He's never seen me hit his mother. But at the same time...he's never seen his mother put her hands on me either. I don't play that shyt! LOL.

It's funny how we think we know these stars. We don't. I wasn't there and I know that there's 3 sides to every story. When you're in the spotlight, your problems play out right in front of the world. Hopefully things will work out for both of them...

Eb the Celeb said...

I am going to come back and read this later... I cant get over the fact that you have beyonce single ladies playing on your page... therefore I am going to leave before my eardrums explode!

Smarty Jones said...

@12kyle
Thanks for the compliments. I am glad that you are teaching your sons that it is not OK to hit girls. I too hope things will work out for the both of them.

@Eb
Cut me some slack, I haven't had time to redo my playlist. I tried to get you to do it last week, remember?
I'll get to it sometime on Monday, I don't feel like it right now and hey, I still like "Single Ladies." The problem is I see that gay dude on YouTube and Justin Timberlake everytime I hear the song.

PCD (Pretty Circle Drawer) said...

lol @ eb

shame! the shame! chris should have known better. that is all

The F$%K it List said...

I'm glad you sat down to speak with your 10yr old niece about this situation. My niece also love Chris Brown, but when she heard this she said he should go to jail *she's also 10*.

I have never been a victim of Domestic Violence and I never would let myself be one because if you hit me once, I will be putting your ass 6 feet under BELIEVE THAT! But I have witnessed two friends go through years of it, and no matter how many times we intervened they always went back. It saddens me to hear that two people so young are experiencing this mess.

The Jaded NYer said...

my kids could care less about Chris Brown and Rhianna, so I didn't have to have this conversation with them.

But they've never seen me and their dad in any kind of domestic violence situation (or anyone in either family) and they've been told by both of us: Some fool puts his hands on you... it's a WRAP.

(You already know I'm crazy, and my ex looks like a gentle giant, but he'll snap a dude's neck in a minute for hurting his babies.)

It's an important conversation to have with both young girls AND boys, so we can avoid these situations in the future.

TravelDiva said...

Good post.

LOL on Eb and Single Ladies. I'll have to concur--I liked it the first 1,000 times I heard it.

What a smart 10 year old!

If he did it, he needs to be punished. But he also needs help--he's only what? 19. Hopefully this public humiliation and rejection will lead him to turn over a new leaf.