It came to me like an epiphany ...

My shero, Oprah, often speaks about having "aha" moments where in an instant, you get the answer to questions and issues you've carried around forever.
As of late, my life and my situations have been lending themselves to multiple "aha" moments, sometimes several times a day. I can say that today has been one of those days full of "ahas" and realizations. Today's realization: I hurt.
I hurt everywhere, all over and it's the kind of hurt that can't be soothed. My heart hurts, my feelings hurt. Hell, my soul aches. There's not an ointment, a salve, a compress or a damn thing to ease it. It's the kind of hurt that I can't articulate, but the stubborn Taurus inside has to try anyway.
Last night, gathered at my father's house, were a group of family and friends who have made it a habit to come on the weekends since my father's surgery to play cards, drink and have a good time. When everyone left, I noticed that they all left with a mate in tow, my dad's girlfriend was here and I am not ashamed to say that I felt alone.
I felt more alone last night than I have in my whole life. It wasn't that I wanted a significant other to be with, it was that I felt abandoned and disconnected. I think I always have. To the best of my knowledge, I have only felt truly connected to one person and now, that connection no longer exists.
I've been walking around all month long with an attitude, a chip even, that I couldn't shake. One I refused to cry about or even acknowledge went this deep. Today, in church, I realized this relationship, rather the demise of this relationship, has really taken its toll on me, on my mind and my body.
As an emotional eater, I have gained back 10 of the 30 pounds I've lost. My mind is constantly flooded with thoughts of what used to be and what will never be. I have started to process of truly mourning this loss, so came the tears, the unreachable ache and the realization that it is all for the best.
With that said, I'm on hiatus until further notice. I need to take some time and do the work on me that is necessary for me to move forward mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally and creatively. If you know me well enough, you know you can find me on Facebook For those of you who don't, I'm on Twitter at http://twitter.com/tsj2003grad. My Tweets are protected so you'll have to request to follow me.
Until next time, find your inspiration, find your peace and wallow in your creativity.

- Smarty

Free Will.I

Long ago, I heard that school is life and life is school. I agree, life is high school and it gets a whole lot worse. Now this -ish is happening on TV, the Internet and all in the press.
I woke up today to a Tweet from one of my friends from college about my future ex-husband, Will.I.Am having beef with my least favorite blogger in the entire Blogosphere, Perez Hilton. Usually, I could give less than a damn about what Hilton has to say, but I followed links today to his video statement on his website and to Will.I.Am's on his site.

I'm going to preface this with the fact that I am NOT an advocate of violence but it is about time somebody hit this bitch in his mouth! YEA I SAID IT! I'm all for free speech but there is a level of responsibility that comes along with it and he has been the opposite of that.
One of the first things you learn in journalism school is you have to be responsible for everything you write and say. Since seemingly everyone with a blog and an opinion lately fancies them self a journalist, you should be treated as such. Be responsible for what you say, this stuff has consequences.
Now, everybody in this equation acted in a juvenile manner and it needs to be stopped. If I had to choose a side just based on the videos and the situations, I would have to go with Willie on this one. He got out ahead of this thing first with his drunken video when he got home from the after parties. Add to the that the fact that Perez Hilton, in all his Drama Queen glory, produced a 12-minute soliloquy and pretty much told on himself by acknowledging the fact that he intentionally said -ish to upset the situation and the fact that he "took to Twitter" to blatantly lie and say that Will.I.Am personally struck him in the face.
The dude's Tweet reads verbatim: "I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke." Now in his video he says it was the Black Eyed Peas' manager. There are so many holes in this story, it ain't even funny. And who Tweets after they've been assaulted?
Since all of this, Will.I.Am has started a Twitter account in attempt to clear his name. Personally, I don't think he should be buying into Hilton's particular brand of bull but it's not my name being drug through the mud either. I'm not being called a thug by a crying, blubbering idiot with an audience of millions. So yes, I understand his madness.
I just wanna know what Hilton was tryna accomplish going to Twitter. And why can't he be like normal people and not mention the fact that he got his ass kicked? Trust me when I tell you that if somebody kicks my ass, I am so not gonna jump on Twitter to tell my Tweeps that it happened.
When you get your ass kicked, you don't tell that. You gotta change up the story. He made himself a victim after he spent all that time running his trap about saying that because he dishes it, he could take it. Well, obviously, he couldn't take it because now he has a small cut under his eye and several Tweets to prove what Diddy has coined #Twitassness.
Hilton has managed to do what he has set out to do and that is draw attention to himself with this little cut he got on his eye and his river of crocodile tears. I swear, this mess has been like a damn high school soap opera all day long. It was a trending topic in the Twitterverse while there is so much real -ish going on.
SHAME ON YOU PEREZ HILTON AND WILL.I.AM! SHAME ON YOU! LoL.

*** By the way, my thoughts and prayers are with the families and the victims of the train collision in DMV today.***

Good news ...

I just got the best press release ever!
Brantera Music Group Inc., announced the star-studded line up of artists they tapped for "Silky Soul Music...An All- Star Tribute to Maze featuring Frankie Beverly." I'm so excited! Under normal circumstances, I hate remakes, but I miss real music.
*sidebar* Foolishness has taken over the airwaves and crazy-looking characters are masking themselves as musicians and artists when all they are doing is bastardizing the work of the artists who came before them.
OK, I'm back now.
Anyway, I'm sooooo excited. The have on deck Ledisi, Musiq Soulchild, The Clark Sisters, Mint Condition, Joe, my future ex-husband Raheem DeVaughn and Her Highness Mary J. Blige! I'm so freakin' excited I could just run a marathon! I said I can but I'm not gonna!
Another reason I'm so excited is I think Maze and Frankie Beverly are prolly the best band in creation - EVER! I've been tryna see them in concert for at least the last five years of my life and I've been unsuccessful thus far. Every damn time they're somewhere close, I always have something going on - ALWAYS!
The most recent concert I missed was Friday when they were at the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach, S.C. I was at a friend's surprise birthday dinner in Charlotte. If me and that chick were not down like "fo' flat tires" I woulda done my best to be in the place! One year, I had tickets and everything and I missed the concert tryna be there for a friend who was going through some serious -ish!
I have missed so many of this band's concerts that I wrote a short film called "Chasing Frankie." I swear man! Next time though, next time!
The project is due out by the Summer's end. There will be 10 songs on the CD including "I Wanna Thank You," to be recorded by The Clark Sisters, Kierra "KiKi" Sheard and J. Moss, "Silky Soul" to be done by Musiq da Soulchild. And the No. 1 song to jump start ANY family reunion, "Before I Let Go," recorded by Mary J. Blige.
I can't wait! This is like Christmas Eve! *jumping up and down*

Things that make me smile 2...

5. Chappelle's Show Frontline: Clayton Bigsby sketch is prolly the funniest piece of sketch comedy EVER created! I miss Dave. *crying* Come back Dave!


4. Twitter Convos. These nuts have me literally laughing out loud, sometimes in the most awkward places, i.e. my cubicle, hospitals, in line at the grocery store, during the offering in church. I just love these crazy people, they keep my day going and they keep me from catching a case!

I gotta give a special shoutout to @deltalady @goodenufmother @karriedaway @4cap and others!

3. "Martin" and "Living Single" reruns are the best!
I remember finishing up everything (homework/dinner/caking with high school boys) by 7:30 so I could take my bath and be ready to watch these two shows every Thursday night! *sigh* I miss good TV.
My favoritest episode of Martin:



Don't have a favorite Living Single episode, can't pick one:


2. South Park Songs. Trey and Matt are comedic geniuses in a league all by themselves!
Case in point:

1. Music! I love music with passion. It's probably the only inanimate that I love just as much, if not more than, words. It's been said that it soothes the savage beast, I don't know about all that, but I do know that it's kept me from getting in trouble and it's gotten me into a little bit too. ;)
My favorite song of all time is Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell's "Your Precious Love." Marvin Gaye is the smoothest crooner of ALL TIME!
Shut it! I grew up on this music and so will my unborn children. They won't have a choice just like my siblings and I didn't.