What in the Hollywood Hell?

*whistle blowing* FLAG ON THE PLAY!!! OFF SIDES!!! TECHNICAL FOUL!!! STOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!
Now that I have your attention, It has come to my attention in recent weeks that a lot of producers out in LaLaWood have decided that it is a good idea to remake several cult classics and I have taken offense to the foolishness.
You guys know I am an aspiring screen writer and you know I LOVE movies with every ounce of my being. What you may not know is I love them to the point that I apply quotes from movies to everyday life. Sometimes, my family and I 'speak movie' to each other. It's hilarious really. Usually, the point is to use a line that either most people don't remember or haven't heard.
The problem is most of the movies we like, that are off the beaten path, are about to be bastardized with remakes coming soon to theaters and I HATE it, you hear me? HATE IT!
Case in point, "Fame." OMG, I (heart) "Fame" so much it's not funny.
It's not just the story line, for some of the performers, the acting was horrible. It was Debbie Allen as Lydia who made the movie for me, though, when she said, "You've got big dreams, you want fame, well fame comes, right here is where you start paying for it - in sweat!"
Shoot, after that, I was ready to work! And if you think about it, that applies to everything in life. Now, sadly, they're re-making it and they've gotten Naturi Naughton to be CoCo. *smdh*
If defaming "Fame" were not enough, these crazy people are planning to re-make "The Last Dragon," and make Samuel L. Jackson, Shonuff. I guess we haven't seen Jackson holler enough, now we gotta watch him claim to be "The baddest Mofo Low Down around this town!" *smh* Where will it end?!
I tell you what, if they re-make "The Wiz" I'mma have to cut somebody! I will phone up The Jaded Nyer to borrow one of her limited edition machetes and cut somebody!
Since we know that screenwriters all over Hollywood have run out of creativity and we know they're going to re-do it anyway, one of my friends, K.Rhone and I have taken the liberty to suggest a few folks we think should play the parts now and some posthumously. Enjoy!
Muahahahahahahaha!

Dorothy was played by one Diana Ross. She did a good job and I'm not sure who could fill her blinged out slippers, but I'd give Jazmin Sullivan a crack at it based on her amazing vocals and her ability to bounce back after she busted her ass!
Posthumously, I would say that Aaliyah hands down! She was just awesome and I think her sweetness radiated in everything she did, even that horrible acting she did in "Romeo Must Die."
The Cowardly Lion was played by Ted Ross who was soooo hilarious as the lion. I think the only logical choice would be the Velvet Teddy Bear himself, Ruben Studdard. He's got the voice (and the girth) for it. I think he'd be awesome!
Posthumously, it could only be Gerald Levert. And he woulda played the hell outta that lion and brought some, dare I say, Big Boy Swag to it.
The rusting, big woman loving Tin Man was brilliantly executed by Nipsey Russell. We kicked around a few ideas of Jamie Foxx and Anthony Hamilton as the Tin Man, but I finally settled on Dule Hill from "The West Wing" and more recently "Psych." I settled on him because of course he's an excellent tap dancer and his singing voice doesn't suck. But, Russell couldn't sing that well either.
Posthumously, NOBODY could EH-vah out Nipsey Russell, Nipsey Russell. So I'd keep him as the only one who could ever play that part!
As for the Scarecrow, he was brilliantly played by a young, Negro Michael Jackson. I thought, and thought and thought about this and K.Rhone added her own thoughts to this as well. Her first nomination was one Usher Raymond IV. My choice was "Iron Fist" Chris Brown because he's a better dancer.
Given Brown's recent troubles and the fact that I want this movie to do well, I don't think it would be a good look to have one of the most hated men in America in a principle role in this movie. So, Ursher wins by default.
Posthumously, I'd say Michael Jackson. LoL. That Michael Jackson is dead now and no one could top him for that.
And Richard Pryor is the best Wiz there ever was. K.Rhone and I both agree that The Wiz should be a "mature comedian" and I have several ideas, but none of them stick out as "The One." I think George Wallace, J. Anthony Brown, Steve Harvey or Miss Laura (yes, a female Wiz) could pull it off.
Now for the supporting roles, I'm just gonna name 'em all off and I'll let your imaginations wonder why. Here we go:
Ms. One - The numbers witch who came out after Dorothy killed the first Wicked Witch should be played by Katt Williams or Sheryl Underwood. Y'know Williams would pimp it out at the male witch while Sheryl Underwood would be funny as all hell coming through there with her numbers!
Crows Wanda Sykes, Chris Rock, Mo'Nique and Rickey Smiley. Do you really need to wonder why they would make the funniest crows EVER?!
Glinda the Good - I'm thinking Patti LaBelle or CeCe Winans for no other reason than their vocals and the fact that I'm sick of the light-skinned long hair chick being the "good" one in everything! OK, that was some childhood stuff creeping up, but I really do LOVE Lena Horne.
My wild card pick for the good witch though would be Miss Bebe Zahara Benet, the winner from last season's "RuPaul's Drag Race."
Evilene just HAS to be Jilly from Philly and that is NONE other than Jill Scott!

Kanye "The Gay Fish" West needs to assume Quincy Jones' role and produce most of the music and appear as the conductor to the music during the ballet at the end.
OK, whaddaya think? Who did I miss? Who would be your picks or did I hit the nail on the head?
A girl can dream, can't she?!

Reflection

As we all enjoy our day off and participate in community service projects, I would like for everyone to pause and reflect on the great man behind this day. While we all know a lot about him, we as the younger generation have never given him his due.
So today, take a minute, reflect and thank whatever deity you worship for Martin Luther King, Jr., and the wonderful rich legacy he left behind in us all.

I want to apologize ...

... my blogs have fallen victim to the increasing demands of my new responsibilities at work. I used to update on the days when I had a lot of down time, now my down time is pretty much nonexistent.
Since I last posted, I found out that Julius J. Carry, also known as, "Sho Nuff" from "The Last Dragon," has passed away. There haven't been any official details released about his death but Wikipedia is reporting that he had pancreatic cancer.
Carry, 56, is best known for his role in "The Last Dragon" but he appeared on several TV shows including "227," "Murphy Brown," "JAG" and more recently, "The Unit. " While he will always and forever more be "Sho Nuff," he has had a lot of excellent roles as a professional man, more often than not playing a detective, a doctor or someone in the military.
To me, that is commendable because you all know how easy it is for us to see only negative images of black men in movies and on TV shows. His death was really a loss.
Da Brat has also been sentenced for her role in an altercation at an Atlanta-area nightclub last fall.
I first reported to you guys last November that Brat, aka Shawntae Harris, was arrested in Tucker, Georgia for hitting a waitress in the head with a bottle of rum. As a result, the woman's face was cut and has been scarred for life.
She pleaded guilty to aggravated assault and was sentenced to three years in prison, seven years probation, 200 hours of community service and she has to complete completion of substance abuse treatment, mental evaluation and anger management classes.
Dayum! If that's the deal she got, I wonder what she could have gotten if she didn't make a deal.
On a lighter and brighter note, both the US Men and Women's basketball teams claimed the gold in this year's Olympics. I saw both games and that could explain why I could barely keep my eyes open in Church yesterday.
The U.S. Men won a hard-fought victory over the Gasol brothers and the Spanish National Team. I missed the entire third quarter while I was taking a nap. But I woke up just in time to see them win it all and get their medals. But the women's game, I saw it all!
The U.S. Women turned the Australian National Team into spectators. Lisa Leslie claimed her fourth straight gold medal in the same sport. That is unprecedented in the Olympic games. She hasn't said so but I think this was her last time on the National Team. I will give it to her though, she went out on a helluva high note. She was 10th in the tournament in rebounding, fourth in field goal percentage making 38 of the 66 shots she took. She was tied for second place in blocked shots and ranked 12th and 11th for offensive and defensive rebounds respectively.Simply put, the girl is BAD!
Honestly, I've known it since the '96 Olympics in ATL. That is when I started to sit up and take notice of women's basketball and that could have been because I made the varsity team as a freshman. *brushes off my shoulders* The next summer, the WNBA was launched and she became my favorite player and the L.A. Sparks became one of my favorite teams.
Leslie, 36, is a wonderful ambassador of women's basketball and has been for years. She played for University of Southern California Trojans from 1990-94, then internationally for a year before the '96 Olympics.
At any rate, if this is her last Olympics, her legacy with the Women's National Team has been cemented in her four golds and in the young players like Candace Parker and Sylvia Fowles who are coming behind her.

Man, it's been a helluva weekend ...

... I'm sure you all have heard about the death of one of the Original Kings of Comedy, Bernie Mac. Mac, 50, passed away this morning from complications of pneumonia and the death of 65-year-old, Black Moses, better known as Isaac Hayes.
These were two of our most talented and treasured entertainers and they will, without doubt, be missed by their hometowns of Chicago and Memphis, respectively.
I heard about Bernie Mac's passing on Saturday morning while I was laying in bed. The radio announcer said "he will be missed," and I sat straight up in my bed. Just the night before, I read that he was improving and he might be able to go home soon. It's just sad.
Mac is of course known as one of the Original Kings of Comedy. He's also appeared in the "Ocean's Eleven" movie franchise, as well as "Transformers" and "Mr. 3000." My favorite movies that he's appeared in have got to be "Life" and "House Party 3."
Uncle Vester was funny as hell but Jangle Leg, oh ... my ... gah!!! He was the funniest dude in the movie.
I heard about Hayes on Saturday afternoon when I got a CNN Breaking News alert on my phone. I just shook my head and said, "Damn." I know he had a stroke a while back, maybe a year ago and had been on the road to recovery.
I actually remember Hayes more for his music than for his acting. Some of my earliest memories are of listening to my mom and uncles sing "Stand Accused."
Perhaps our generation will remember him most as the love making, heart breaking, Chef on "South Park." All of the South Park fanatics will never be able to forget episodes like "Chef and the Succubus" and "Chef's Chocolate Salty Balls."
Other than his singing, the funniest thing I remember him doing is "I'm Gonna Git You Sucka" where Chris Rock in all his Jheri Curl glory went into the restaurant owned by Hayes and Jim Brown asking for "one rib."

My heart goes out to both families because I know this was a huge loss for both of them. Mac leaves behind a wife, daughter and granddaughter to cherish his memory. Hayes leaves behind his fourth wife and 12 children.
Lets keep both families in our prayers.
For old times sake, here are a couple of my favorite Bernie Mac clips and Isaac Hayes songs.



One thing is for sure, there is some serious laughing and grooving going on up in Heaven. With greats like Richard Pryor, Redd Foxx and Robin Harris preceding Mac and Gerald and Sean Levert, Marvin Gaye, Otis Redding and Sam Cooke preceding Hayes, I'm sure the good times aren't stopping up there.
What are your favorite "Mac Man" and "Black Moses" moments?

A moment of silence please ...

... for blues and rock n' roll pioneer Bo Diddley. He passed away earlier today from heart failure.
Diddley, 79, to me, is blues personified. Anybody who knows me, knows that I am a lot like the O'Jays - "I love music, any kind of music." I pulled two of my favorite Bo Diddley songs for you guys to check out.





The first one you guys may recognize more as a remake than his original. That song has been remade so many times it's not even funny. The one I recognize most is when Raven Symone lip synced to Koko Taylor's version, "I'm A Woman" on The Cosby Show.



In honor of Black Music Month, I would like to do at least one post per week that details a little bit of information about some figure in black music. In light of Diddley's death this week, he's obviously first.
This will not be a research paper by any means, but I do want ya'll to have a little bit of info about Diddley. His earliest recording dates back to 1958 although his career started as early as 1951. He's responsible for what became known as the "Bo Diddley Beat."
I could so go on and on about him, but I won't. I'll let you do your own research. But keep in mind if it were not for Diddley and his counterparts, there'd be none of the music that we enjoy/loathe today.